Expat Life Is Out of Your Control: Learning to Let Go

How Epictetus' dichotomy of control can transform uncertainty into growth opportunities.

Introduction

Emily, a 29-year-old from the U.S., decided to move to Chiang Mai, Thailand, to pursue her passion for teaching English abroad and exploring new cultures. Excited by the adventure, she envisioned a smooth transition. However, shortly after arriving, she encountered unexpected challenges with her visa renewal process. The local immigration office requested documents she hadn't anticipated, and processing times stretched indefinitely.

"I was anxious and overwhelmed. I kept checking emails and calling the office, hoping for updates, but nothing came through. I felt like my plans were slipping away, and I had no control over what was happening."

Like many expatriates, Emily came face-to-face with a harsh reality: uncertainty and bureaucracy are part of the journey. No matter how carefully you plan, some things remain beyond your control.

This is where the timeless wisdom of Stoic philosophy offers guidance on how to navigate such situations.

📜 Epictetus' teaching: Know what's in your control and what's not

"Some things are up to us, and some things are not." — Epictetus, Enchiridion, §1

This fundamental Stoic principle, known as the dichotomy of control, urges us to distinguish between:

What we can control: our thoughts, choices, actions, and responses.

What we cannot control: other people's decisions, external events, government bureaucracy.

Emily couldn't make the immigration officers speed up the process. However, she could choose how to respond to the delay:

• Either let frustration and worry take over,
• Or focus on what was within her reach.

🧭 A Stoic approach to the unexpected

Stoicism isn't about passive acceptance; it's about mastering how we react.

"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views they take of them." — Epictetus, Discourses, Book V

Emily decided to shift her perspective. Instead of obsessing over paperwork delays, she used the extra time to deepen her knowledge of Thai culture, learn the language, and build friendships with locals and other expats.

"This waiting period became a gift in disguise — a time to grow and prepare myself mentally and emotionally for the life I wanted to build here."

💡 Practical tips for expatriates facing uncertainty

• Make a list: What can you control? What can't you? This simple exercise can help release stress and clarify your focus.
• Establish small routines. When external circumstances are unpredictable, daily habits restore a sense of stability.
• Remember: Your identity isn't tied to your visa status or job. As Marcus Aurelius wisely said: "What doesn't harm the soul, cannot harm the man." — Meditations, Book IV
• Accept reality without giving up. Acceptance is not surrender; it's recognizing where to direct your energy productively.

🌍 Final thought: Embracing uncertainty cultivates wisdom

Living abroad means embracing uncertainty and challenges outside your control. Stoic philosophy offers a path to transform these moments into opportunities for inner growth and resilience.

Like Emily, you can find freedom within, even when external situations feel stuck. Remember Seneca's words:

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, but learning to dance in the rain." — Seneca